Fear and other nonsense….

Dear Oprah,

I haven't written in a while. Sorry for that. Been busy. Yea, who hasn't. I don't have a kid or a husband and I'm still busier than most people I know. Must be my cat, whose name changes everyday. Hey, I committed to the dang thing for it's life, probably about 15 years, so I can waiver on the name. Today...this week, it's been Karma. Bad Karma!!! She climbs up on the sink and eats my make up brush. Good Karma!!!! She snuggles with me as I sleep...in the nook and purrs like there's no tomorrow.
What can I say. I have priorities. My students and classes, videos and podcasts. Oh yea, and I'm an actor, mostly auditioning. Which makes me laugh. Because sometimes, you can book a role or shoot something and never see it. Or worse, never get paid. So...I look to yoga, always as my source of...everything.
I have a wonderful new clothing company called Our Love Yoga sponsoring my yoga videos. This isn't a first but I must say, their clothes are divine, well designed and the quality is amazing. They are up and coming and great for the yogi on the go. Their clothes will take you from the mat to the cafe afterwards with the girls in super style.
So, we're happy.
We are not happy to go to see Couples Retreat on our lonesome and be antagonized by the theatre clerk...one ticket? Single? I thought you were being sarcastic. Nope. Single, one ticket, matinee in the middle of a workday no less, bring it the f on.
I needed my retreat. I needed a dark space and loud sound to marinate and contemplate the fun my week holds in store. Lots of it. Lots of driving. Lots of clients and teaching. Lots of auditions. I ain't complainin'. Kitty is not complainin'. She has clucktail hour promptly at 6 where she meows till infinity till I serve her her cluck a doodle doo. A favorite of the family cats in NY.
It's been discontinued. Sad, but true. They must have crack in this food 'cause my cat, my family cats go freekin' nuts for this cluck. By Whiskas. Shout to Whiskas!
OMG. Yup, cat lady.
And Santa Monica, my dear Santa Monica. I don't spend nearly enough time with you but I love you to bits when I do. A great teacher hear in this hood has allowed me to sub her classes and I feel like a rock star having so many students I can lead to bliss. They come there for her but I'm glad they stay for me. It's an honor.
I set my intention everyday with a friend via email. We keep each other accountable by days end. By days end I send my gratitude list to another friend. 5 things we are grateful for in our lives. Sometimes I look at her list and I'm like, hey, I'd like your list, but then I look at mine and I'm ok.
I'm re-shooting a video from last week because the tape stopped in the middle of our shoot.
The benefits of rogue shooting. Public access where did you go? Frustrating, yes. A yogic challenge, heck yeah!! Lovin' it...not so much, but alas...
I'm pimpin' my wears and it ain't easy, but Oprah, I'm not you and though I wish sometimes I could don those tall designer heels you only wear while sitting in a chair talkin' to peeps, my life ain't so bad.
My eyes are open and I am grateful. I'm a small fish and this is a big pond.
Not all the fish are nice and accepting. Sometimes I still feel like I'm in High School, but I'm doing the best I can to set an example for people. I'm not perfect but I'm leading when I can and following when I need.
I'm content with what I have even when I want more.
That's all from here. Two more videos by weeks end, Yoga With Weights and Yoga for Strong Hands and Wrists.
It's a work in progress but the work is great and I have the support I need, even though there is noone working the camera and telling me if it shuts off...we do a great class in one take...recorded or not.
And, inspired by a student of mine recently who set the goal to go up in headstand in a year, I too have set a physical goal for my yoga practice. There is a first time for everything.
By April 2010, I will go up successfully into a handstand, no wall, no spot, holding for at least 10 seconds.
I have never set a physical goal for yoga but realized recently that there was a lot of fear for me attached to inverting. It's not something I thought about consciously. I have an extremely strong practice, but have not been challenged by myself or the classes I have taken. I have found the teachers to lead me and so, I go.
And so, I learn. So I can lead a little better myself.
Here's to abandoning fear in gratitude of someone else.
There is no one I would rather offer my practice up to than my dad. So there you go. And there I go.
Here's to abandoning fear and embracing laughter...and falling in the face of both,

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