She's got diamonds on the souls of her shoes........Paul Simon...Oh,
Dad is on my mind...
because when I reach for solace,
I go to CVS.
That's where I find my yoga.
That's where I find my peace, the light and organization...
Gimme a freakin' moment I can collect and CVS...collects...
and right now...all they advertise is father's day.
This is my first without father's...day.
"She makes the sign of a teaspoon
He makes the sign of a wave"
He makes the sign of a wave"
The cards drive me crazy. He never liked cards and didn't like saving them. Neither do I.
My dad is my soul mate. He was a miserable and mean person that I couldn't love anymore than I could myself or my mother or sisters or my favorite things. My dad was my muse and my inspiration. In his flaws I found the beauty of the human spirit struggling for truth, balance and salvation in this world. He was ornery, but fabulous when he was to my left side and in the drivers seat. He was the driver. He was the leader and the Buddha when it came to truth in simplicity even though he struggled in wanting more than what he had. He was the richest person I knew and even he knew, deep down in secret, that everything he needed was at ten and two on the wheel and the path in front of him. That's it. He knew it. It's hard to get that that's all there is, but we understood. I understood.
I learned everything I knew from him, good and bad and I love it all and embraced all of his lessons. I'm so grateful for the best and scariest father I could request in this existence. He scared the crap out of me, because he was a difficult personality to understand and orchestrate...but I love music and jazz and NYC and theatre and all of it is was as complicated as he was and understandable as he was if you could get through the FDR or West Side Highway, uptown or down town...get through to him and...get there. To understand and get him was like the grid of Manhattan. Complicated and effortless.
I've loved him entirely like I do NYC and will still try to work in approval of him because I know that as long as I am living passionately, he will love, support and cheer me on from beyond and right beside me...and still give me a freekin' hard time. I still hear it. Soo...
So...it's ok that I got the left side of my nose pierced. He he. He'll never see when he's seated to my right.
He is beyond and I have never felt him more beside me than I do now.
My dad is my best bud.
He is my true love and inspiration and all of what I do is guided by him in his spirit and my mother in her present guidance of artistic inspiration.
And, I feel my dad get's to know my side of town. I feel him as I navigate THIS city, so strange and complicated like Cabernet to NYC's Chardonnay. It's difficult and I feel his presence as I
move from vine to wine.
When I will lose you
Lose you as I lose my light
Days falling backward into velvet night
The open palm of desire
It wants everything
It wants soil as soft as summer
And the strength to push like spring
That's right Paul...sing it like only we can... Newport string of smoke clearing a smooth plume out the driver's side so bring it!
As someone who loves fitness and yoga, I will still love a cigarette with you.
I wrote a musical blog just one year ago using quotes from the same songs in sadness. Now, I look back still a little sad, but knowing that each time I hit the pavement and goals ahead, I have him in my pocket to drive me forward. He's driving me toward my goals, with or without traffic.
This father's day, I won't be WITH him, but he will be WITH me. He is always with me and it is never sad. Not anymore. There is no pain. No question. It is always happy to look back now at his favorite songs and remember how awesome it was to sing along side him as he was driving. I will always be a better singer. He will always be a better driver. I will always drive better and sing.
My dad and I...no matter what was happening, where we were, where we were going, what we were listening to, we were always together.
We were always present, always in yoga. Always.
This is my love song...my love blog...to my dad.