Ok, folks. I'm glad you are reading and I don't mean to be dramatic, but I certainly don't want you to worry.

Here's the deal, I gotta get it out.

Although I started this blog as a resource for my clients and students to come to in order to supplement their practices (fitness and yoga), I feel that life sometimes gets in the way of those things and what does one do when life gets in the way of your practice for fitness, meditation and a healthy lifestyle?

You deal with it.
So, here's my lesson. My freekin' life.
If you can pick up something from the crap I'm dealing with, then I've killed two metaphorical birds with one gentle stone.

We all have our ways of dealing.

Some go towards the dark place, self destruction, emotional eating and the like. I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't taken a visit to the dark side whilst I deal with the challenges of my life but the lesson is in the challenge, so I have to make those mistakes, a little bit and move the frick on.

If I deal with my challenges the best way I know how, working out, connecting with friends and family, watching Hallmark movies and reading Jennifer Weiner books, blogging and venting, that's what I need to do.

We all know things work out the way they are supposed to. The pendulum swings both ways and I'm at the sucky end of the pendulum. If one can remain positive and for the love of all that is good, humorous, then we have won the battle even if we are in the middle of the fight.

I'm so thankful for all of your support but in my heart of hearts, at this point, I just want to make y'all laugh, because I think what I am going through is hellish and hilarious at the same time.

Last night, a boy told me that he thought I had an idealistic view of things. I'm paraphrasing but that's what I took from what he said. I sort of laughed and questioned his comment. I felt a little badly and then I thought, of course I do!

I had an old boss, several years ago who told me I was overzealous. I'm paraphrasing but that's what I took from what she said. I sort of laughed and questioned her comment. I felt a little badly and then I though, of course I am!

What I thought were insults (and I think they were at the time) I have turned into compliments.

Do you remember when Ally McBeal had a theme song?

We all have one. I know you do too. It's the one song that makes everything better. The one song that makes you get up and dance and feel like a superstar.
Well, mine, since I was young, is One, from A Chorus Line.
Right now though, my theme song, without a doubt is from a song I got for free from Starbucks. It's by Amy MacDonald. It's called Run and here are some of the lyrics....

He said I don't know what you're living for
He said I don’t know what you’re living for at all
But I will run until my feet no longer run no more
And I will kiss until my lips no longer feel no more
And I will love until my heart it aches
And I will love until my heart it breaks
And I will love until there’s nothing more to live for

I AM...the most overzealous, idealistic, passionate, stubborn, determined, driven person I know.

I know what I want and I'm gonna get it. And I'm gonna vent and bitch and you can choose to listen, read or move on.

I know what I love and I'm gonna share it, come hell or high water, like my mom always says.

My lesson is that in the midst of challenges, I'm on fire. I'm not afraid. I'm pissed off if things don't go smoothly, but really, in this day and age, when does anything go freekin' smoothly.

I look at things now, with my imaginary machete in hand and slash away at the BS.

I'm angry, frustrated and can't meditate to save my life, but I'm on a freekin' mission.

I have shit I need to do and noone's gonna wait for me to do it so...

I gotta get out there, like a bullet and deal with these people, doctors, apartment managers and crazy drivers to get to my goal.

There has never been more of a time in my life that I've felt more 'on'. Exhausted, but 'on'. Ready to go.

Sad and laughing all the way, right in the middle of it!

In my high school year book we had to put a quote on our photo page. Beneath my horridly teased hair and pore-less skin, my quote was this, at 17, "To run, smile, draw and always fight to the finish."

17 years later, much cuter, better hair and fine lines, I'm still running, smiling, drawing (in words and not charcoal or oils) and fighting to the finish.

I think, we as a population, get so caught up with the minutia of our lives that we lose sight of the bare minimum that we need and want in order to be our best selves. It's just the FEW things in our lives that connect us to ourselves and each other. I don't ask for a lot but what I ask for is very specific. I don't have a dog, husband or kids. My needs are for me in order to be the best person I can be in service to people in my life with my teaching/instruction: loving nothing more than to bring the most fun, informative, safe and educational sessions to anyone that I am blessed to meet and who wants me to take them on that journey.
A writer and performer that speaks from the heart and is not afraid to admit when she is wrong, hurt, confused, sad or grammatically incorrect, but hopes to give 'em a good laugh when I can.

I have the sun, the sand, the ocean, running, yoga, writing and performing. It is my life and inspiration. I don't need furniture for it but I need the place that I can go to and digest it all, create and put it all together. That's here, in Santa Monica. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but I sure as hell feel right about this.

I know the universe has it's own plans and challenges for us to endure. Sometimes I don't understand why sir Universe brings all the challenges at once, but who am I to question it. I'm in it and I have to deal.
I long for the peace, balance and calm that one has when they live in say, the Himalayas. But I'm in LA, where finding an apartment and a good doctor are just as hard to find as Waldo or the squirrel in Hilights Magazine.

But, it's my mission.

I love my life and I love what I do and I don't want shit to get in the way of that. Unfortunately, it is. It happens.
But don't worry. Things suck. But there is a tipping point. Once that point is reached, the pendulum swings the other way. It is how we deal with both, suck and soar when we can truly succeed. I've failed in the sucky part before, gone to the dark side, felt bad about myself and thought the world was out to get me. Those days are gone. I was in my twenties. What did I know. I know that in the middle of hell, when everything seems out of ones control, the thing you can control is how you deal with it. I'm a venter. That's all. Get it out and move on.

Just to reiterate, I have no idea what my life is going to turn into over the next two weeks.

I'm hoping for a Hallmark Channel Christmas Miracle.

Idealistic, I know. Overzealous, perhaps.

It's the best way I know how to live. And it's healthy, for me. It makes me feel young. It makes me feel Angelina Jolie. It makes me feel beautiful and childlike and crazy alive even amidst this chaos. So, there.

I'm not homeless and even though my health is questionable, I can still run to my sun everyday and blush in it's glow upon me as I burst onto the esplenade, 180 heart rate and bollywood blasting in my ear and really, there ain't a better feeling in the world. I call it my rungasm. And I can have it all by myself. No apartment manager, even Mr. Scrooge on 4th street can take that away from me. So there.

Enjoy your egg nog, burn it off tomorrow, drink lots of water. Don't worry save for several designated times a day, then move on, call your mother and happy holidays.

Smooches,
Laurie