Ok, folks. I'm glad you are reading and I don't mean to be dramatic, but I certainly don't want you to worry.

Here's the deal, I gotta get it out.

Although I started this blog as a resource for my clients and students to come to in order to supplement their practices (fitness and yoga), I feel that life sometimes gets in the way of those things and what does one do when life gets in the way of your practice for fitness, meditation and a healthy lifestyle?

You deal with it.
So, here's my lesson. My freekin' life.
If you can pick up something from the crap I'm dealing with, then I've killed two metaphorical birds with one gentle stone.

We all have our ways of dealing.

Some go towards the dark place, self destruction, emotional eating and the like. I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't taken a visit to the dark side whilst I deal with the challenges of my life but the lesson is in the challenge, so I have to make those mistakes, a little bit and move the frick on.

If I deal with my challenges the best way I know how, working out, connecting with friends and family, watching Hallmark movies and reading Jennifer Weiner books, blogging and venting, that's what I need to do.

We all know things work out the way they are supposed to. The pendulum swings both ways and I'm at the sucky end of the pendulum. If one can remain positive and for the love of all that is good, humorous, then we have won the battle even if we are in the middle of the fight.

I'm so thankful for all of your support but in my heart of hearts, at this point, I just want to make y'all laugh, because I think what I am going through is hellish and hilarious at the same time.

Last night, a boy told me that he thought I had an idealistic view of things. I'm paraphrasing but that's what I took from what he said. I sort of laughed and questioned his comment. I felt a little badly and then I thought, of course I do!

I had an old boss, several years ago who told me I was overzealous. I'm paraphrasing but that's what I took from what she said. I sort of laughed and questioned her comment. I felt a little badly and then I though, of course I am!

What I thought were insults (and I think they were at the time) I have turned into compliments.

Do you remember when Ally McBeal had a theme song?

We all have one. I know you do too. It's the one song that makes everything better. The one song that makes you get up and dance and feel like a superstar.
Well, mine, since I was young, is One, from A Chorus Line.
Right now though, my theme song, without a doubt is from a song I got for free from Starbucks. It's by Amy MacDonald. It's called Run and here are some of the lyrics....

He said I don't know what you're living for
He said I don’t know what you’re living for at all
But I will run until my feet no longer run no more
And I will kiss until my lips no longer feel no more
And I will love until my heart it aches
And I will love until my heart it breaks
And I will love until there’s nothing more to live for

I AM...the most overzealous, idealistic, passionate, stubborn, determined, driven person I know.

I know what I want and I'm gonna get it. And I'm gonna vent and bitch and you can choose to listen, read or move on.

I know what I love and I'm gonna share it, come hell or high water, like my mom always says.

My lesson is that in the midst of challenges, I'm on fire. I'm not afraid. I'm pissed off if things don't go smoothly, but really, in this day and age, when does anything go freekin' smoothly.

I look at things now, with my imaginary machete in hand and slash away at the BS.

I'm angry, frustrated and can't meditate to save my life, but I'm on a freekin' mission.

I have shit I need to do and noone's gonna wait for me to do it so...

I gotta get out there, like a bullet and deal with these people, doctors, apartment managers and crazy drivers to get to my goal.

There has never been more of a time in my life that I've felt more 'on'. Exhausted, but 'on'. Ready to go.

Sad and laughing all the way, right in the middle of it!

In my high school year book we had to put a quote on our photo page. Beneath my horridly teased hair and pore-less skin, my quote was this, at 17, "To run, smile, draw and always fight to the finish."

17 years later, much cuter, better hair and fine lines, I'm still running, smiling, drawing (in words and not charcoal or oils) and fighting to the finish.

I think, we as a population, get so caught up with the minutia of our lives that we lose sight of the bare minimum that we need and want in order to be our best selves. It's just the FEW things in our lives that connect us to ourselves and each other. I don't ask for a lot but what I ask for is very specific. I don't have a dog, husband or kids. My needs are for me in order to be the best person I can be in service to people in my life with my teaching/instruction: loving nothing more than to bring the most fun, informative, safe and educational sessions to anyone that I am blessed to meet and who wants me to take them on that journey.
A writer and performer that speaks from the heart and is not afraid to admit when she is wrong, hurt, confused, sad or grammatically incorrect, but hopes to give 'em a good laugh when I can.

I have the sun, the sand, the ocean, running, yoga, writing and performing. It is my life and inspiration. I don't need furniture for it but I need the place that I can go to and digest it all, create and put it all together. That's here, in Santa Monica. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but I sure as hell feel right about this.

I know the universe has it's own plans and challenges for us to endure. Sometimes I don't understand why sir Universe brings all the challenges at once, but who am I to question it. I'm in it and I have to deal.
I long for the peace, balance and calm that one has when they live in say, the Himalayas. But I'm in LA, where finding an apartment and a good doctor are just as hard to find as Waldo or the squirrel in Hilights Magazine.

But, it's my mission.

I love my life and I love what I do and I don't want shit to get in the way of that. Unfortunately, it is. It happens.
But don't worry. Things suck. But there is a tipping point. Once that point is reached, the pendulum swings the other way. It is how we deal with both, suck and soar when we can truly succeed. I've failed in the sucky part before, gone to the dark side, felt bad about myself and thought the world was out to get me. Those days are gone. I was in my twenties. What did I know. I know that in the middle of hell, when everything seems out of ones control, the thing you can control is how you deal with it. I'm a venter. That's all. Get it out and move on.

Just to reiterate, I have no idea what my life is going to turn into over the next two weeks.

I'm hoping for a Hallmark Channel Christmas Miracle.

Idealistic, I know. Overzealous, perhaps.

It's the best way I know how to live. And it's healthy, for me. It makes me feel young. It makes me feel Angelina Jolie. It makes me feel beautiful and childlike and crazy alive even amidst this chaos. So, there.

I'm not homeless and even though my health is questionable, I can still run to my sun everyday and blush in it's glow upon me as I burst onto the esplenade, 180 heart rate and bollywood blasting in my ear and really, there ain't a better feeling in the world. I call it my rungasm. And I can have it all by myself. No apartment manager, even Mr. Scrooge on 4th street can take that away from me. So there.

Enjoy your egg nog, burn it off tomorrow, drink lots of water. Don't worry save for several designated times a day, then move on, call your mother and happy holidays.

Smooches,
Laurie

When I was 14 I had the maddest crush on MG. I was a freshman and MG was a senior. I walked into my first day of Commercial Art class (comic strips, design etc.) and there he was, all handsome and Jewish with a big toothy smile. And he was talented. I loved the way he drew shoes. Nikes, to be more specific.

It turned me on at 14. I didn't know what that meant yet, but I knew he did it.

I couldn't drive yet but I made my mother, the coolest woman on the planet, drive me past his house.
Many times.
The lights are on, what is he doing?
The lights are off, what is he doing?

I found out he worked at this retail store in the Vernon Hills Shopping Center in Scarsdale.
I wasn't legally allowed to work at that age save for babysitting and lawn-mowing. Children scared me and for that matter, so did lawns. I was a year or two away from when most people started getting summer jobs but I was a zealous creature so I thought, why not, make some dough and get closer to my future husband.

Laurie G.
Mrs. Laurie G.
M and Laurie G.

My mother, the coolest woman on the planet, pulled out the old typewriter and doctored my birth certificate so that I could apply for a job at MG's store.

I knew I was creative and talented too and I loved where my mind went with him in it.

I could see us folding fleeces and laughing, pitching display tents and tumbling over each other under the canopy, labeling and tossing box after box of silk underwear from one end of the store to the other where I would giggle and blush as I stacked the shelves, rolling our eyes when, Paul Simon's Mother And Child Reunion played for the 40th time on our shared shift.

My mother and I got away with our brilliant plan and I was hired as a sales associate. My dream was going to become a reality.

On my first day, I realized that I was hired to replace MG as he got an internship somewhere. The world was a lot more complex and serious for him since he was older and getting ready for college, hence his flee from retail.

My world, was flat.

I understood, but was crushed.

I folded fleece, labeled silk underwear and poked myself in the eye, groin and shoulder with that freekin' tent as I pitched it all by myself. I slowly went crazy, Clockwork Orange insane with Paul Simon and Fleetwood Mac constantly ringing in my ears.

I bagged the job come Summer and became a lifeguard, twirling a whistle around my finger and watching infants drown.

Since then I've crushed on many a man and driven by their family homes, prank called them (miss those days), dreamt of smiling happy memories I would create with them, only to have the shattered by some other girl or some college to take them away.

It's been while since I've been single and here I am again, crushing. But this time, it's waaaaay different.

It has nothing to do with another human being.

It has to do with apartments.

I have applied for, gotten excited pitter pats in the heart for, lost sleep over, shopped on line for furniture for, driven by, walked up, sat by, imagined cooking in, sleeping in, inviting friends over to enjoy, meditated in, practiced yoga in, jetted from and retreated to, blogged in, created in, cried and laugh out loud in and fallen in love.

Then I'm told, I'm just not good enough to be with.

Instead of not being skinny enough, pretty enough or old enough, my credit score is too low. It's good but not great and self employed means you haven't joined the masses of the corporate world, so you are a risk.

I'm crushing on apartments, people. I've sunk to a very odd low. I feel very strange about this and I'm just sharing it. I'll get over it for sure but the feelings. The way I feel, on both sides, the in love and crushed part, I haven't had these emotions since I was young and well, new to those emotions.
It's the only thing I can liken it too and I'm surprised I can still have them. Not thrilled about it, but surprised that I can feel so wonderful then lost in one phone call or drive by or what does that mean.
We are so different, people and apartments. I haven't heard one of them yet say, it's not you, it's me so I guess that's a good thing.

I know there are many apartment fish in the sea and Apt. Right is around the corner somewhere. Literally. I'm only looking in a six block radius.

I went for a walk this morning and went up to my latest crush. I put my little hands on the door and rested my forehead on it's number 14.
Full kitchen, you know just what to say. Carpeting, right there. Parking, that's it!!
4 blocks from the beach, OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

It's so right. But maybe it isn't. Maybe the universe knows the right one for me and is offering me side tracking delusions and one night credit checks to keep me on my toes.

But this one, we look so cute together.

When you are in it, you don't see it, you just want it, like that cookie sittin' right in front of you. And you don't believe that there could be anything standing in the way of what you want.

That's life. There are always obstacles to challenge and test your passion for things, to make certain what you want is what you want.

And sometimes an apartment or guy, looks great at first, but then turns bald and fat 15 years later and you thank goodness you didn't end up with that.

I'm just sayin'.

I haven't much to say as I'm taking a bit of a step back from my regular teaching and writing to find and settle into a new place, a new life.

The holiday season has been thrust upon us in full force, lights, extravaganzas et al.

I'm in the spirit and in slight sadness as the struggle for me continues. I know it's not for long and I'm not worried, so you shouldn't be either.

Health problems aside, I take a cue from the Hallmark channel and realize that this is the season of miracles and I have hope and faith that I will find a place to live and finish the tests I need to in order to figure out what is going on with my innards.

I had another doctor's appointment the other day, at 3:30 PM. I thought, if I can just get through this and get to the beach, to the sun, before it sets, I’d be ok.

Besides some slight cursing to the drivers to my left and right, "I need peace, stat, people!!" I calmed myself and my attitude towards the other drivers just long enough to get to my place, with parking, very important, not only in LA, but when you have a daily date with the sun who has no intention of waiting for your sorry ass or appointments to meet with it.

If you are new to my blog, here's the deal.
I haven't a place to live right now and my most favorite thing to do is yoga AND running, on the beach right around sun set. It doesn't matter what is going on in the world or with me, as long as I am there, I am free, to create, to be inspired, to be a better person, teacher, friend, etc. Think of it like a prescription or an AA meeting. For me, running on the beach, jumping hurdles, climbing steps, leaping great strides, watching the sun as it colors the sky so beautifully...people, every time, not kidding, makes me freekin' weep.
It makes me so happy to be alive. It makes me feel so connected to myself, to others, to the earth.
I know it might sound crazy, but I feel complete. It completes me! I'm so Tom Cruise, I know, but really, when I know that I can end my day or pause my day between clients and appointments to go, play, literally like a freekin' kid, by the beach, I have accomplished what I need to.

I go to the beach to work out, but most importantly, that is where I find and create the workouts I do with my clients.
My clients are very busy, type A peeps like me. We get bored easily. I take classes, fitness, Pilates and yoga classes all over the city so I can learn and grow from the great teachers here and bring new stuff to my clients.

When I go to the beach, I do/practice what I have learned in a practical way so that my students can do my workouts wherever and whenever.

I get to play, burn calories and stress, work for others and ALSO, take in the most beautiful site I have ever seen.

Like I said before, I get bored super easy. I NEVER get bored of looking at that beautiful, expansive sea, rolling in and out and the tremendous sun burning bright and subtly making its exit into the evening. It is like watching a great Opera as a piece crescendos, culminates into the full expression of an emotion or feeling.

I feel that. I know that, every single time. It never fails to amaze and inspire me into peace and gratitude.

Nothing makes me smile more.

That is why my mission to stay in Santa Monica is imperative.

Of course, music always accompanies this great experience and I am so thankful for the great resource I have for music. Mostly, I get my inspiration from my old friend, Jason Bentley who is now working mornings at KCRW. But, also from the great teachers who play awesome music in their classes as well as my friend, Becky and my sister, Karin who always supply me with endless music possibilities that I appreciate while running, creating and teaching.

I love music.

Music with the sun is likne an orgasm for me as I run along the Palisades Path. Hate to be graphic, but it's that freekin' good for me.
I can actually attest to a rungasm.
I'm so happy that the Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack has finally come out.
It's making all this crap a little less crappy as I look for my new place and finish this physical 'testing' for my health.

Perhaps there is nothing here for you in this blog or the past few as I digress.

I hope there is because like I told my mom, in the middle of the freekin' earthquake we had tonight, this is probably the most challenged I've felt. Besides when my dad got sick and when my family was forced out of our childhood home because a toxic mold was growing inside of it for years and making us all sick, this is an all time low.

Sucked, big time, but this sucks a lot more and I promise you, it's a lot better to live with when you have wonderful things to look forward towards. For me that's the sun, running and playing at the beach, music, especially the Slumdog soundtrack and, of course, if I had a place to live that would be superior.

Until that happens, unfortunately, all my blog is going to be is venting.
After that, lessons on yoga/fitness/nutrition and more super cool videos on working out that you can do anywhere on a budget of time and money.

I hope things are blissful for you, but if they aren’t, find the little things that can get you through. Perhaps it’s as easy as the sun set. And I know you don’t have to live at the beach to experience the beauty of it.

It sure makes it better though.

Of course, a glass or two of Ravenswood wine’ll do the trick too.

Enjoy the lights, the parties, the cookies and overindulgence of the holidays.

‘Cause guess what people, you'll need to burn it all off and center yourself for your goals in the New Year. And when that time comes, I will be there, blissed out in my new pad in Santa Monica, healthy and ready to work your butt off and make you relaxed and balanced at the same time.

Have fun, drink lots of water, especially between cocktails, be good to yourselves and call your mother.

Struggling with a spring in my step, smooches and Happy Holidays,
Laurie

PS really enjoying Emiliana Torrini from Iceland. You can find her on iTunes (Big Jumps and Birds are awesome ‘case you need more music for your catalogs and need a little inspiration.)