Dear Oprah,

I know this is going to sound strange, but whenever I think about my Oscar speech, yes, I think of my family and friends and representation, but then my thoughts go to a support team that will sound odd to most but has brought me much so much joy, comfort and nutrition during the difficult and lean times that I can’t help but add it to the list.

Everyone knows that I have an obsession with food. I don’t think it’s an unhealthy one. Through much research, trial and error, I know my diet is the diet that keeps me happy, satisfied, satiated and energized through the day. My clients and students love when I bring them new and healthy alternatives to their favorite snacks and dishes that I am more than happy to spend my time researching and ah, hem, sampling all goodies that are good for you too.

And for that, I must write this ode to an old favorite… and a new find.

Gosh I love the ellipse…

I hope you enjoy…

I’ve spent a lifetime with you. We have had some happy times. You have been there for me when I needed you as a comfort, a friend. I’ve loved you for so long and so true. I thought you were the one. I had no idea that when I got out there in the world that there might be others to tempt me away from you. I now know, dear Skippy that we were not meant to be. You are filled with additives and fats that are unhealthy. I’ve tried other brands, powdered, omega infused, but alas, I was disappointed with the after effects, the bad taste in my mouth or other unmentionables. Till one day, I found, PB2. Oh, peanut butter. Oh, Skippy. Oh, Jiff. Oh, Naturally More (with less calories, more fiber and omegas, but you have to stir and that’s…just…unacceptable), oh, Better than Peanut Butter (simply too sweet). All of you have served your purpose in the moment, but mostly on my thighs. I’m grateful for being full, but I have found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. PB2.

Ok, it’s dried. You have to add water. But it’s packed with protein and just a mere 53.2 calories per two tablespoons.

I count my calories, but now you are speaking my language. To get it so precise. So, decimal. Now you are just turning me on. 1.87 grams of fat. Just stop!!

PB2…you are sweet, salty, and perfect.

You can be found on-line, even better and worth the shipping. You are so easy to travel with, even to India. Ok, I haven’t been, but I can bring you there, no problem.

You can be spread on an apple or a La Tortilla Factory low carb tortilla. You make me happy.

It’s the little things, people. Yes, you can call me crazy, but you’ll be askin’ me for a sample the next time I see you.

And let’s be honest, I think everyone was getting a little bored with me writing about my dad.

Peanut Butter (PB2) and me, perfect together.

On another food note, Kitchadi, which is a light and nutritious balancing Indian dish is something I eat everyday. It keeps me moving, if you know what I mean, is yummylicious and is a great base to add your favorite vegetables or add as a side dish. Made the right way and eaten in a certain way, one can use this dish as a cleanse in a mono diet. Yessirree, just that, all day, every day, for several days. And with the guidance of the right Ayurvedic practitioner, he or she will add a variety of herbs and lifestyle choices to help the cleanse along. After a few days, you will feel just as good as if you Master Cleansed or did another weird cleanse but you won’t feel f-ed up. You will just feel good and + balanced!

Especially now that we are transitioning into a new season, yes, even in Los Angeles, we need to pay attention to the changes in our bodies. Ayurveda or ‘science of life’ is a system of traditional medicine native to India and practiced here in America as well, as a way of life, being and doing in a way that balances the system. Kitchadi is just part of the way of balancing the system, hot, cold, male, female, excited and sluggish. To put in the most simple terms. I am a big advocate of the food, which is basically basmati rice and a gang load of yummy spices. Eat it every day, not with your PB2, and you will feel satisfied and energized. You can’t imagine what I add to my Kitchadi kitchen. The dish is limitless in it’s ability to satisfy with variety.

I’m an ambassador for Ayurfoods and would be happy to give your more info, sell you some of the good stuff to try or make you a batch and bring it to our next class.

Food. Food. I love it. I make it everyday and often give it away.

I’ll make it for you, dear Oprah, if you’ll try it.

I haven’t seen too many shows of yours that actually talk about mindful and seasonal eating. I’d love to be your first guest talking about it. I’ve been overweight, on Weight Watchers, run marathons like you and loooooooove food. Can’t get enough of it. So there.

I thank all of the little people. And the peanut butter. And the Kitchadi. And of course, my family, friends and students, for stomaching another of my blogs. Pun intended. And finally, you, dear Oprah, for continuing to talk to strange people like Whitney Houston with a straight face.

Love ya,

Laurie

Dear Oprah,

I don't wanna bring things down here, but I'm still mourning, even though my life is back into full swing.

They say the phases of grieving a loved one is shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, acceptance and hope.

I'm wondering, dear Oprah, if you have ever done a show that included the phase, retail therapy?

I'm not a shopper by nature. I don't like things. I'm more apt to purchase things that are disposable, food, travel, and flowers. Clothing has always been optional. Insert laugh here.

But lately, I find myself wandering in and out of stores, picking up things that I know I will use, maybe I won't use, must have, really want, not sure about, might return, oh my God, LOVE and the list goes on.

I just hit another birthday and it is September. Nostalgia kicks in, Autumn is around the corner and I always tend to 'school shop' a little more around this time of year, getting new digs for a new year, new semester, new life without my dad?

Not sure about that last one.

I tallied up the inventory...cute clothes for out and about town, clothes for teaching, clothes for practicing, clothes for dating, YES, clothes for auditioning and new bedding, yum.

The total price tag was shockingly low...used coupons, discount cards, gift certificates and certificates that I get in the mail 'cause I sign up for 'em adding my birthday so I get 10-20-50% off stuff when September rolls around.

I usually feel guilty when I buy stuff for myself.

But now...

I feel pretty, oh so pretty.

I don't feel bad at all. And I'm not in debt...

Ok, maybe a little, but it's manageable as long as I don't continue this phase.

What would Suze Orman say?

What do you say?

I think it should be added to the phases of mourning.

My mom finally went out and bought new clothes for her gorgeous self.

'Bout time.

So did I.

Kath, my sis always does and always looks fabulous.

This is out of my nature.

I'm writing about it so I guess I'm thinking about its roots.

All I know is that I look good despite the many things that I have experienced as of late.

It's only a mask though, because when I come home, it doesn't matter what I look like, what I have, it's what's inside that makes me feel good.

I love my father. And yes, I'm speaking about him in the present.

I've thought more about calling him over the last week and a half then I have in a month’s time that passes so fluidly in a normal year.

I like that. I'm not sad about it.

I feel him everywhere, in the present.

I see him in the sun that sets here by the beach. As the pale yellow and blue bleed to deep orange and pink. I see him in the traffic. I hear him when I pass by a store on the 3rd Street Promenade, playing The Rolling Stones.

If anything, I feel him more around me then I ever did before.

I'm not happy he's gone from the physical world, but I'm happy he's everywhere, now.

Oprah, I'm not quite sure what you believe about the after life and the like.

I'm not sure what I believe.

All I know is that mourning, this process, has been crazy scary but also really cool.

I'm not excited by it, but I wonder about it and am aware of all of these feelings, like growing pains when you were a kid, adolescent and adult.

All the same feelings that I had everyday when he was alive are the same, but with a new twist.

It almost makes me feel younger, newer, fresher, because he's with me when I experience something that's banal and extraordinary.

Sort of like getting a new dress or top. It's a fleeting feeling of excitement, I know.

But I kind of feel it even when I do laundry, get a cup of coffee or walk along the shore.

All the same things I used to do before on autopilot, have a new co-pilot alongside me. Like I'm showing my dad my life here. One he's never seen in person.

Shopping might emphasize that joy. Or it might just be that I like shopping. Who knows?

All I know is that my sadness is shifting. It's still there but there's a presence with me while I feel it. Maybe it's a cotton/cashmere blend. Maybe it's my dad.

I wonder if you could explore these phases that aren't so defined by doctors, psychologists and the like.

I wonder.

Until then, I have a staggering pair of strappy sandals to don and a silk dress that wants to be taken out for a walk.

Sweet things,

Laurie

To the tune of...whatever you'd like...probably nothing hard, more folky, I'm feelin', maybe with a dance beat beneath. Just thinkin' out loud.