I can't believe I ever had guilt attached to anything related to yoga. It's true. Well, I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things but I'm workin' on that. It's amazing though, because yoga and guilt are like oil and water.
The summer was extremely emotional for me. I noticed that I let go of my meditation practice. I walked past my little alter everyday almost apologetically as the guilt of neglect built up within.
Negative feelings and thoughts get housed. Just like positive thoughts and feelings.
Once you have them, you have a choice to let them go, by acknowledging them and sending them on their way or dismissing them and pushing them further and deeper into the fibers of your emotional and physical being. You don't want the latter. Too much work to do later. He he.
I came to this realization when I removed myself from my day to day and went on a vacay with my family. I was no longer around my little alter space and what I ended up doing with that time I needed to find space was fill it with a run, sit down or sit in the hotel cafe and write or just look around quietly at my surroundings.
Here's the deal, I don't think there is anyone 'up there' giving away enlightenment points for those who can sit still the longest and be quiet.
Quieting the mind is a big challenge and it is a practice. I am, daily, questioned by students about how difficult it is for them to meditate and how much they long to quiet the mind and sit still.
I think everyone is. Especially in an urban environment. It's difficult to draw ourselves away from the constant distraction.
I say, don't put the cart before the horse. Or is it my mom that says that.
Don't keep searching for yoga. Let yoga find its way to you.
When I returned back from Canada, I did not return to my meditation practice. Instead of having guilt for this, I simply acknowledged my little space with gratitude and continued on doing the things I needed to feel the same openness, clarity and completeness that I used to by sitting still.
By not putting the pressure on myself to 'have to' sit in meditation, my meditation took other forms and still made me feel just as good.
I miss sitting in my little zen chair but I know it's there for me, like a good friend and will return to me when I am ready.
Your yoga/practice will take many forms in your life. If yoga was just on the mat, well, that would be rather boring. Instead, embrace the idea that yoga will appear to you in many forms. You'll know when you see it. 'Cause you will feel it.
Release the pressure and the negative feelings attached. For, only positive will find it's way to that space of welcomed possibility. It's way nicer than feeling bad.