There's nothing like it. You feel alive. You smile at the drop of the hat. You smile even when you are cut off in traffic. Being in love might be the best feeling in the world and I'll admit I've fallen a few times. However, there is nothing like the opposite of that and the feeling that love has been lost and I admit that I have had my heart broken a few times. Twice this year, in fact. But today, I was renewed and reminded, once again, that love, my truest, deepest love is always here for me, like an old friend, like a new dress, like a great memory, like a smile, like...well, love.
Today, a gloomy day in Los Angeles, rare, but sacred, to me, I found myself feeling lethargic.
Like down-ish. My body was aching and sore. Too much working out, perhaps. Not enough sleep, I'm sure of it.
It's hard to get motivated when you feel sluggish. It took me some time to get my energy up and once I did, there it was, love, in all its glory, standing before me with no judgement of how I looked or what I had eaten that day. It said nothing to me but motioned for me to come to it. So I did.
With a light drizzle, I did it. I put on my running shoes, ear buds and ipod mini and hit the streets. My aching body took a moment but in another moment, it all clicked in.
LOVE.
YOGA.
I saw the ocean before me and the gloomy clouds with patches of sun and smog and rain and darkness and light.
I saw a clear, weekendless kind of clear path on a Saturday in Santa Monica,
Parisian dance club music pounding in my ear and my legs, strong and mighty, passing man after woman after bike after blader, after volleyball player after homeless person. It was me, the ocean, the music and I was alone, in love, in union.
We were making love right there. Passionate, sweet, yummy love.
There is nothing like the rediscovery of love that you have for yourself and the things that you enjoy. Being in love with someONE else is wonderful. Being in love with life and your surroundings is surreal. I am so grateful of the life I have made for myself. The ability to run. The nearness of the ocean and the air that comes off of it. The students that I teach. The people that I meet or the friends that I meet up with. My job. My apartment. My friends. My family. My freekin' blog. The potential. The future. The past. The present.
I'm not being precious, just real and in total and utter love.
When you are able to feel that connection with whatever it is that brings you joy, that is love, the deepest, truest, non-judgemental, indescribable, blog worthy love and I am grateful to be back in it if just for now...

I can't believe I ever had guilt attached to anything related to yoga. It's true. Well, I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things but I'm workin' on that. It's amazing though, because yoga and guilt are like oil and water.

The summer was extremely emotional for me. I noticed that I let go of my meditation practice. I walked past my little alter everyday almost apologetically as the guilt of neglect built up within.
Negative feelings and thoughts get housed. Just like positive thoughts and feelings.
Once you have them, you have a choice to let them go, by acknowledging them and sending them on their way or dismissing them and pushing them further and deeper into the fibers of your emotional and physical being. You don't want the latter. Too much work to do later. He he.

I came to this realization when I removed myself from my day to day and went on a vacay with my family. I was no longer around my little alter space and what I ended up doing with that time I needed to find space was fill it with a run, sit down or sit in the hotel cafe and write or just look around quietly at my surroundings.

Here's the deal, I don't think there is anyone 'up there' giving away enlightenment points for those who can sit still the longest and be quiet.
Quieting the mind is a big challenge and it is a practice. I am, daily, questioned by students about how difficult it is for them to meditate and how much they long to quiet the mind and sit still.
I think everyone is. Especially in an urban environment. It's difficult to draw ourselves away from the constant distraction.

I say, don't put the cart before the horse. Or is it my mom that says that.
Same person.
Don't keep searching for yoga. Let yoga find its way to you.
When I returned back from Canada, I did not return to my meditation practice. Instead of having guilt for this, I simply acknowledged my little space with gratitude and continued on doing the things I needed to feel the same openness, clarity and completeness that I used to by sitting still.
By not putting the pressure on myself to 'have to' sit in meditation, my meditation took other forms and still made me feel just as good.
I miss sitting in my little zen chair but I know it's there for me, like a good friend and will return to me when I am ready.
Your yoga/practice will take many forms in your life. If yoga was just on the mat, well, that would be rather boring. Instead, embrace the idea that yoga will appear to you in many forms. You'll know when you see it. 'Cause you will feel it.
Release the pressure and the negative feelings attached. For, only positive will find it's way to that space of welcomed possibility. It's way nicer than feeling bad.

Ok, this was just for fun. My mother and sister, Karin go to the Toronto Film festival every year. Although they have told me that I was always welcome to come with them, I got the official invite this year and accepted the nomination graciously. After a very long and trying summer, I welcomed the break to vacate out of the country and escape into world after world of amazing films. Karin has amazing taste and an incredible eye and intuition for the great films of the coming year. Some of my favorites are below. I look forward to hearing from you guys and letting me know your thoughts on the movies of the future.

In the mean time, I realized that waiting in line for a long time to get in to see your flick and of course sitting for hours hoping from movie to movie - and my sister is a movie marathoner - takes just as much prep and physical and mental training as you would need for say, a real marathon. Your muscles get sore and tired sitting or standing for a long time so check out some of the stretches below to keep you in tip top shape for the festival circuit. There's not just Toronto. If you are festival junkie like my sis, these stretches'll keep you in shape and might spark a conversation with your line mates. And conversing with Canadians is just aboot as cute as can be, eh? (That's my attempt at a Canadian accent in print. I loved Canada. Never been there before. After this next election, I might seriously consider moving there. Just kidding. I love America. God Bless it. All of its spacious plains. One of the funniest things for me, was after each movie, I couldn't speak. I literally needed to stretch my mouth in preparation for talking. I had movie mouth and wobbly legs. Enjoy the video and check out these films...

Every Little Step - The documentary film based on A Chorus Line past and present. This is the show that made me want to become an actor and even though I could never dance, I always tried. I'm a better actor and singer and a double threat is better than none. Any one with passion for anything will identify with this film. It made me weep. And my mom too. And, like everyone in the audience.

Slumdog Millionaire - This might be one of my top movies of all time. It was perfect. Set in India, it follows the life of a kid who wins on the Indian version of 'Who Wants To be a Millionaire'. The government thinks he's cheating so they take him into an interrogation where he explains how he knows the answers to all of the trivia questions. The answers take us on a journey through his tragic childhood filled with pain, laughter and love. And it might have one of the best soundtracks I've ever heard. Bollywood rules

Zack and Miri Make a Porno - You can't go wrong with Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks. The title says it all, when they can't pay the bills, they...well you know the rest. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Thank goodness they are still making movies like this. Everyone can identify with this love story and the love of music.

The Other Man- Laura Linney and Liam Neeson. Very Pinter. Directed by Richard Eyre. If you liked Note's On A Scandal, this'll disturb you as well.

Religulous-Bill Maher on the search for truth in religion. This is comical and disturbing in the same breath. Only Bill Maher could do this. It's enlightening.

That's it for now. Until next time, be good to yourselves, drink lots of water and call you mother.